Thursday, June 7, 2007

Doctor's Visit

Updated since my original posting.

Every few years I have to get a very important part of my body checked out. I have a birth defect that can in some cases cause really serious problems. I'm fine and have never had a problem and none of my doctors thinks I ever will. But it's a little stressful to get it checked out unless you have the doctor I had yesterday.

First, he put me on one machine because it was broken and wanted a sample to show how broken it was. I said OK, I'm a team player. Then he had me put on a gown because I had to walk to the other machine. He asked me about my name and its origin, which I get a lot. Then he started talking about The Sopranos. After a minute the doctor remembered I had mentioned a movie about my family name and wanted to know about that. Then his assistant chimed in about The Sopranos and there was some confusion about whether Christopher and Adriana were married or engaged and who exactly killed Adriana. Around this time the doctor said, "Interesting! The machine not your [very important body part]."

Please keep in mind this is all going on while I am in an uncomfortable position.

I guess The Sopranos made the doctor think about Big Love which led to him giving me his opinion that pro-polygamy people were using gay marriage as an excuse to legalize polygamy. Then he was theorizing about a polygamous world where many men were unmarried because the multiple wife people had all the women. I said this was what was happening in Asia where they abort of give up for adoption all the girl fetuses. My doctor didn't realize that almost all the adopted Chinese kids were girls. Huh. Then back to this season's Sopranos and the doctor's story about how he did mushrooms during a college visit to Jamaica. One of his friends did a double dose and was high the entire trip. This reminded me of a very funny joke on Reno911! where a dog got into the mushrooms in the evidence room and Trudy said, "He eats his own vomit, he'll be high for weeks!" but I couldn't break in to tell it. Somehow the conversation turned to something or other and I mentioned how antibiotics always cleared up my bad skin and the doctor claimed to have never heard of that. Then he proceeded to describe how he uses benzoil peroxide followed by a moisterizer ("None of that cheap stuff. I use Oil of Olay."), gel shaving cream and not to use disposable razors.

Thank you doctor whose name I never got for keeping me distracted. Normally, I hate people who never shut up but you were the right guy at the right time.

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