Happy Leap Day

Here's a doozy from Improv Everywhere from exactly four years ago.

The Brett-Oskies: The Winners!

Well, the whole Brett-Oskies gag seems to have collapsed since I never had time to announce the winners before the actual Oscars. And to make matters worse (or better) I saw Michael Clayton last week which just about blew away anything else I saw this year. So here goes:

Best Picture
Juno
Michael Clayton
The Seventh Victim
Toy Story 2
Winner: Michael Clayton. Great movie. Excellent acting and a suspenseful plot I never knew where it was going next. Thoroughly entertaining. The Seventh Victim was a close second.

Best Director
Mark Robson, The Seventh Victim
Sam Fuller, Park Row
Robert Stone, Oswald's Ghost
Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton
Winner: Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton. There's never a good reason to split up the top two awards.

Best Actor
George Clooney, Michael Clayton
Tom Hanks, Toy Story 2
Warner Oland, Charlie Chan in Paris
Winner: Warner Oland, Charlie Chan in Paris. I believed he really was Chinese.

Best Actress
Joan Cusack, Toy Story 2
Jennifer Garner, Juno
Kim Hunter, The Seventh Victim
Winner: Joan Cusack, Toy Story 2. What can I say? I love Joan Cusack in anything. Best actress working today. If I'm giving out awards I'm giving them to Joan Cusack.

Best Supporting Actor
Micheal Cera, Juno
Ken Howard, Michael Clayton
Keye Luke, Charlie Chan in Paris
Jason Bateman, Juno
Winner: By far the strongest category. Somewhere in the last few years Ken Howard has achieved Dabney Coleman or Charles Grodin like ubiquity. This is an awesome development. Great work in Michael Clayton but no Brett-Oskie. Jason Bateman was excellent in Juno saying so much was his silences and body language. But the Brett-Oskie is a difficult call between Cera and Luke both brilliant, unique performers. In the end I have to go with Cera since his performance was bigger. Still, I feel this isn't the last we've heard of Keye Luke, especially since I have a Charlie Chan box set just sitting on the shelf filled with his great work as Number One Son.

Best Supporting Actress
Janeane Garafolo, Ratatouille
Allison Janney, Juno
Elizabeth Russell, The Seventh Victim
Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton
Winner: Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton. I nominated Janeane Garofalo because I used to see her all the time when I lived in the East Village and I like to talk about it and Allison Janney because my wife likes he so much. Elizabeth Russell is haunting as hell in her role as the doomed neighbore but Tilda Swinton was even more creepy in Michael Clayton.

Best Documentary
Helvetica
Oswald's Ghost
Winner: Oswald's Ghost. I love type and I love the Kennedy assassination but the edge goes to Oswald's Ghost, which took the unique step of being a history of the history of the Kennedy assassination. And I love anything that has Jack Ruby in it.

Best Cinematography
3:10 to Yuma
Once
Winner: Once. I was watching 3:10 to Yuma and I kept thinking how much better movies in general look than the did thirty or forty years ago. The technical level is just amazing. Regardless, I loved the lo-fi look of Once.

So, there you have it. See you at the movie theater or on my couch.

Everything I Consume: Charlie Chan In Egypt

A sub-par effort. There's a bunch of hooey about a curse and mummies but it's not very interesting. Keye Luke is nowhere to be seen and the comic relief is Stepin Fetchit. That's right, the actual Stepin Fetchit. Fetchit is outright disturbing with his sleepy eyes and mumbling speech and I was relieved whenever he left the picture.

Everything I Consume: Grotesque

Natsuo Kirino's Out was the best book I read in 2006. I've recommended it to everybody and if I haven't told you to read it you're probably not my friend or uncomfortable with extreme violence and vivid sexuality. So I had high hopes for Grotesque (and kudos to The Wife for buying me a book she knew she wouldn't want to read or even hear about) and I was not disappointed.

The story goes back and forth in time and perspective between a nameless narrator, two murder victims (the narrator's sister and a friend from high school, both prostitutes) and the confessed killer of one of them. The less you know the better but it's a gripping read, filled with bizarre characters, twists, weird sexual relationships and a look inside Japanese society. It strains belief that all the characters seem to have left secret journals but if that bothers you just let go.

It's always been a struggle to find Japanese mystery writing, even the best writers are rarely translated. Luckily some more of Kirino's books are being translated and we should get one a year from her for the next three years.

If anyone reads this I'd love to discuss the ending and what you thought of it. It's just out in paperback which is good news for you and bad news for me trying to sell a used hardcover.

Another Day

Today was typical in the world of Brett Sonnenschein, Superdad and frequent contributor to The Bugle. I was supposed to leave work at 5 to pick up the kids but I asked The Wife to stand by in case my High-Profile Work Project (HPWP) needed assistance. The HPWP was going well but then stalled on someone's desk leaving me in the dreaded realm of uncertainty. The hours ticked away as I wondered what to do. I am scheduled to leave at 5 but this is a high-profile project (we're printing 8.9 million of them) and I really should see it through. I could get someone to cover but it would look bad. What to do?

At some point I started getting calls from a delivery man trying to deliver The Wife's Valentine's Day flowers which is weird since Valentine's Day was last week. That got settled.

So after a few hours of non-response I pull the trigger and ask The Wife to do the pickup. She says, "No Problem." Shortly thereafter the HPWP lands on my desk. I am told it is clean, utterly, totally clean and only needs a PDF. No need to look at it. So I call The Wife back and tell her I can do the pickup after all. She is sweet and doesn't laugh at me. But then I get a call that there are changes on the HPWP which I have to quickly make before 5:00. I curse myself for not looking at the routers. Twenty years of working and I still assume other people know what they're doing (which I certainly don't). So, I make the changes, send the new PDF (to far fewer people, of course) and still can leave at 5.

But first I blog about it.

I don't know if any of this sounds so bad but there's just this level of stress that hangs over all this that is exhausting.

Introducing the Brett-Oskies!

The Academy Awards are looking a little empty to me this year since I've seen only a few of the films nominated (Juno, Ratatouille and Bourne, that's it). I'm hoping I can catch up on DVDs this week but I make that vow every year and I never live up to it. Instead I'm creating my own award, Brett's Oscars or the Brett-Oskies for short. I should do this for 2007 but I can't remember all the movies I saw last year so I'm just giving the Brett-Oskies to the best of the 11 movies I've seen so far this year, old, new, in theaters, on DVD, imagined in my mind, whatever. Today I'll just list the nominees, later I'll do little of the smart-ass commentary you love so much and then I'll award the winners. This year's ceremony will take place in a frigid cubicle on Park Avenue South or an overpriced two-bedroom in Brooklyn. Time will tell. Feel free to add your own opinions.

Best Picture
Juno
The Seventh Victim
Toy Story 2

Best Director
Mark Robson, The Seventh Victim
Sam Fuller, Park Row
Robert Stone, Oswald's Ghost

Best Actor
George Clooney, Michael Clayton (haven't seen this yet but will this week and I'm sure he'll be great in it)
Tom Hanks, Toy Story 2
Warner Oland, Charlie Chan in Paris

Best Actress
Joan Cusack, Toy Story 2
Jennifer Garner, Juno
Kim Hunter, The Seventh Victim

Best Supporting Actor
Micheal Cera, Juno
Keye Luke, Charlie Chan in Paris
Jason Bateman, Juno

Best Supporting Actress
Janeane Garafolo, Ratatouille
Allison Janney, Juno
Elizabeth Russell, The Seventh Victim

Best Documentary
Helvetica
Oswald's Ghost

Best Cinematography
3:10 to Yuma
Once

Old-Time Radio Quote of the Day

"You don't think he killed Carson?"
"We're not sure, Nick, but if you ask me you're going to need a new manicurist."

More Brushing with Greatness

Got an e-mail from my man, Ken Rudin, the Political Junkie himself today. I don't mean to blow my own horn but I called this in July.

Hi Brett,

Wow, this email was more prophetic than anyone could have imagined back
in July. I'm so sorry I never ran it!

Best,

Ken Rudin

-----Original Message-----
From: Brett Sonnenschein
Sent: Monday, July 30, 2007 3:58 PM
To: PoliticalJunkie
Subject: Super Duper Tuesday

Ken,

Everyone is talking about the Super Duper Tuesday primary as deciding
the nominations in 2008 but what are the odds that it doesn't? Without a
frontrunner with inevitability isn't there are good chance the vote will
be split? In my view most people in later primaries fall behind the
leader rather than voting for the person whose views the most agree
with.

I think it's more likely that Rudy, Romney, Thompson and McCain all win
primaries than one candidate wins most of them. And what if Clinton and
Obama split the Democratic primaries down the middle that day? Do you
think it could happen and if there's no clear front runner and most of
the delegates have been decided what happens next?

Brett Sonnenschein,
Brooklyn, NY

P.S. Next to bagel day at my office "It's All Politics" is the highlight
of my Friday.

When You Put All The Old Cleveland Sports Mascots Together…

…they look kind of weird.

Everything I Consume: Junkyard

I listened to an interesting old radio show today. It was an episode of X Minus One called Junkyard. If you want to check it out here's the link. Or you can read the script. I'll wait.

Who's got the power?
The power to read
Who answers the call
For friends in need?
Super Why! Super Why!
He's the guy he's…
Super Why!

Sorry, I can't get that freaking song out of my head. Welcome back. Anyway, the premise of this story is a spaceship lands on a barren planet (except for parts of an alien spaceship) and the crewmembers begin forgetting things, like how to turn on the engines. Gradually, they figure out a tower on the planet contains a "memory trap" which is sucking out their memories. The captain theorizes that these memory traps are what makes people forget things not just on the planet but everywhere in the universe. Since we are so far away from these memory traps we just forget our house keys or wallet every once in awhile instead or how to read or use an engine. The only way to get to the memory trap and reverse the flow is to get a crew member really, really drunk and have him go into the tower.

When did we stop believing that any problem at all (like occasional forgetfulness) could be solved by either science or drinking or both?

Everything I Consume: Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson

I was surprised when I picked up this book because singer Jack Johnson has always seemed pretty white to me. But it turns out there was another Jack Johnson who was black and heavyweight champion of the world back when people cared who was the world heavyweight champion. He had a very interesting life. Besides being heavyweight champion he participated in and won the true Fight of the Century, married or claimed to be married to many women ("this is the third time Mr. Johnson has come to England, each time with a different Mrs. Johnson" an English newspaper wrote) and went on the lam in Europe after a ridiculous criminal conviction. He was the most hated man in America for several years but seemed to be a pretty nice guy.

This was a good biography if a bit newspaper-like and name heavy. There are so many fighters and so many women mentioned! At first it's hard to keep track of all the fighters and managers in Johnson's life and then it's hard to keep track of the women. At the height of Johnson's wealth and fame he seemed to have a rotating three woman harem. The racism of the time is awesome. What's become the most offensive word in America is repeated in casual conversation and printed in newspapers over and over again. I even learned some new ones like "Sengambian". Amazingly, white boxers could refuse to fight black boxers on principle and it was totally acceptable and even admired. Despite this Johnson often trained with and was friends with white fighters.

On a stylistic note this book uses the most footnotes of any book I've ever read. Almost every page had at least one fotnote and many had two or three. So I recommend this book unless you hate footnotes or are a racist.

Probably the Last Thing I'll Write About Football for Awhile

I wore a pair of swimming trunks instead of underwear last night. They were the pair I wore two weeks ago when the Giants beat the Packers so I had to wear them again. I know the things I do have no effect on something happening thousands of miles away but I do them anyway. For awhile I muted the game because the Giants defense was doing so well with the sound off. In the first half I kept leaning forward during third downs and later I grabbed the remote control during big plays with and only with my right hand. This looks crazy as I read it but you probably do the same thing or know people who do them and feel no need to lock them up. Why? Do we really believe there's some mystical bond? Is it a desire to be involved in a contest we have so much invsted in but can't affect? Even if I knew I'd probably still do it.

Will Leitch expressed better than I can how great last night's game was as a game. As a Giants fan it was greater than great, perhaps Guuuhhhhhhhrrrr-eat-t-t. The game was like a movie football game with dramatic swings and impossible plays and I was the fan at home they cut away to, cheering in the first half and slumped on the couch during the Patriots' final drive, certan that there was no way the Giants could come back and win the Super Bowl. After Manning's amazing pass and Tyree's catch I turned to The Wife with a slack-jawed look I swear I have never made before and doubt I will ever make again. When Burress caught the touchdown dizziness set in. It's hard to say what happened after that.

I'm beat. I'll be taking a vacation from sports until April. Oh, unless I get the NHL Center Ice preview again, that was awesome.

I hate to kick people when they're down (even though It's far more efficient because they're closer to your foot) but this made me laugh.