Happy Leap Day

Here's a doozy from Improv Everywhere from exactly four years ago.

The Brett-Oskies: The Winners!

Well, the whole Brett-Oskies gag seems to have collapsed since I never had time to announce the winners before the actual Oscars. And to make matters worse (or better) I saw Michael Clayton last week which just about blew away anything else I saw this year. So here goes:

Best Picture
Juno
Michael Clayton
The Seventh Victim
Toy Story 2
Winner: Michael Clayton. Great movie. Excellent acting and a suspenseful plot I never knew where it was going next. Thoroughly entertaining. The Seventh Victim was a close second.

Best Director
Mark Robson, The Seventh Victim
Sam Fuller, Park Row
Robert Stone, Oswald's Ghost
Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton
Winner: Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton. There's never a good reason to split up the top two awards.

Best Actor
George Clooney, Michael Clayton
Tom Hanks, Toy Story 2
Warner Oland, Charlie Chan in Paris
Winner: Warner Oland, Charlie Chan in Paris. I believed he really was Chinese.

Best Actress
Joan Cusack, Toy Story 2
Jennifer Garner, Juno
Kim Hunter, The Seventh Victim
Winner: Joan Cusack, Toy Story 2. What can I say? I love Joan Cusack in anything. Best actress working today. If I'm giving out awards I'm giving them to Joan Cusack.

Best Supporting Actor
Micheal Cera, Juno
Ken Howard, Michael Clayton
Keye Luke, Charlie Chan in Paris
Jason Bateman, Juno
Winner: By far the strongest category. Somewhere in the last few years Ken Howard has achieved Dabney Coleman or Charles Grodin like ubiquity. This is an awesome development. Great work in Michael Clayton but no Brett-Oskie. Jason Bateman was excellent in Juno saying so much was his silences and body language. But the Brett-Oskie is a difficult call between Cera and Luke both brilliant, unique performers. In the end I have to go with Cera since his performance was bigger. Still, I feel this isn't the last we've heard of Keye Luke, especially since I have a Charlie Chan box set just sitting on the shelf filled with his great work as Number One Son.

Best Supporting Actress
Janeane Garafolo, Ratatouille
Allison Janney, Juno
Elizabeth Russell, The Seventh Victim
Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton
Winner: Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton. I nominated Janeane Garofalo because I used to see her all the time when I lived in the East Village and I like to talk about it and Allison Janney because my wife likes he so much. Elizabeth Russell is haunting as hell in her role as the doomed neighbore but Tilda Swinton was even more creepy in Michael Clayton.

Best Documentary
Helvetica
Oswald's Ghost
Winner: Oswald's Ghost. I love type and I love the Kennedy assassination but the edge goes to Oswald's Ghost, which took the unique step of being a history of the history of the Kennedy assassination. And I love anything that has Jack Ruby in it.

Best Cinematography
3:10 to Yuma
Once
Winner: Once. I was watching 3:10 to Yuma and I kept thinking how much better movies in general look than the did thirty or forty years ago. The technical level is just amazing. Regardless, I loved the lo-fi look of Once.

So, there you have it. See you at the movie theater or on my couch.

Everything I Consume: Charlie Chan In Egypt

A sub-par effort. There's a bunch of hooey about a curse and mummies but it's not very interesting. Keye Luke is nowhere to be seen and the comic relief is Stepin Fetchit. That's right, the actual Stepin Fetchit. Fetchit is outright disturbing with his sleepy eyes and mumbling speech and I was relieved whenever he left the picture.

Everything I Consume: Grotesque

Natsuo Kirino's Out was the best book I read in 2006. I've recommended it to everybody and if I haven't told you to read it you're probably not my friend or uncomfortable with extreme violence and vivid sexuality. So I had high hopes for Grotesque (and kudos to The Wife for buying me a book she knew she wouldn't want to read or even hear about) and I was not disappointed.

The story goes back and forth in time and perspective between a nameless narrator, two murder victims (the narrator's sister and a friend from high school, both prostitutes) and the confessed killer of one of them. The less you know the better but it's a gripping read, filled with bizarre characters, twists, weird sexual relationships and a look inside Japanese society. It strains belief that all the characters seem to have left secret journals but if that bothers you just let go.

It's always been a struggle to find Japanese mystery writing, even the best writers are rarely translated. Luckily some more of Kirino's books are being translated and we should get one a year from her for the next three years.

If anyone reads this I'd love to discuss the ending and what you thought of it. It's just out in paperback which is good news for you and bad news for me trying to sell a used hardcover.

Another Day

Today was typical in the world of Brett Sonnenschein, Superdad and frequent contributor to The Bugle. I was supposed to leave work at 5 to pick up the kids but I asked The Wife to stand by in case my High-Profile Work Project (HPWP) needed assistance. The HPWP was going well but then stalled on someone's desk leaving me in the dreaded realm of uncertainty. The hours ticked away as I wondered what to do. I am scheduled to leave at 5 but this is a high-profile project (we're printing 8.9 million of them) and I really should see it through. I could get someone to cover but it would look bad. What to do?

At some point I started getting calls from a delivery man trying to deliver The Wife's Valentine's Day flowers which is weird since Valentine's Day was last week. That got settled.

So after a few hours of non-response I pull the trigger and ask The Wife to do the pickup. She says, "No Problem." Shortly thereafter the HPWP lands on my desk. I am told it is clean, utterly, totally clean and only needs a PDF. No need to look at it. So I call The Wife back and tell her I can do the pickup after all. She is sweet and doesn't laugh at me. But then I get a call that there are changes on the HPWP which I have to quickly make before 5:00. I curse myself for not looking at the routers. Twenty years of working and I still assume other people know what they're doing (which I certainly don't). So, I make the changes, send the new PDF (to far fewer people, of course) and still can leave at 5.

But first I blog about it.

I don't know if any of this sounds so bad but there's just this level of stress that hangs over all this that is exhausting.

Introducing the Brett-Oskies!

The Academy Awards are looking a little empty to me this year since I've seen only a few of the films nominated (Juno, Ratatouille and Bourne, that's it). I'm hoping I can catch up on DVDs this week but I make that vow every year and I never live up to it. Instead I'm creating my own award, Brett's Oscars or the Brett-Oskies for short. I should do this for 2007 but I can't remember all the movies I saw last year so I'm just giving the Brett-Oskies to the best of the 11 movies I've seen so far this year, old, new, in theaters, on DVD, imagined in my mind, whatever. Today I'll just list the nominees, later I'll do little of the smart-ass commentary you love so much and then I'll award the winners. This year's ceremony will take place in a frigid cubicle on Park Avenue South or an overpriced two-bedroom in Brooklyn. Time will tell. Feel free to add your own opinions.

Best Picture
Juno
The Seventh Victim
Toy Story 2

Best Director
Mark Robson, The Seventh Victim
Sam Fuller, Park Row
Robert Stone, Oswald's Ghost

Best Actor
George Clooney, Michael Clayton (haven't seen this yet but will this week and I'm sure he'll be great in it)
Tom Hanks, Toy Story 2
Warner Oland, Charlie Chan in Paris

Best Actress
Joan Cusack, Toy Story 2
Jennifer Garner, Juno
Kim Hunter, The Seventh Victim

Best Supporting Actor
Micheal Cera, Juno
Keye Luke, Charlie Chan in Paris
Jason Bateman, Juno

Best Supporting Actress
Janeane Garafolo, Ratatouille
Allison Janney, Juno
Elizabeth Russell, The Seventh Victim

Best Documentary
Helvetica
Oswald's Ghost

Best Cinematography
3:10 to Yuma
Once

Old-Time Radio Quote of the Day

"You don't think he killed Carson?"
"We're not sure, Nick, but if you ask me you're going to need a new manicurist."